PROPER BOUNDARIES COME FROM A PLACE OF LOVE.
If you are angry, frustrated, and mad, you’ll want to work through those emotions before you do any boundary work. Write down all your feelings and work through them until you can get to a space of calm, peace and love. Remember the reason you are upset is not because this person has violated your boundary, it is only because you haven’t set proper boundaries and you haven’t been speaking the truth. When you can own that and take responsibility for your emotions, you can explain your boundary from a place of love and set clear consequences for what will happen if the boundary isn’t honored.
Sometimes we are the ones who have made the boundary violation, and this can be challenging as well. For many people it triggers thoughts such as, “Oh my gosh! I’ve done something wrong or bad! This person doesn’t want me in their life!” These thoughts typically cause us to create a lot of drama around the situation, but there is another way to look at it.
Remember that this person has taken the time to share their truth with you. That is an intimate and challenging thing to do, and the fact that this person was able to do so says a lot about how they value the relationship. Setting a boundary requires more courage than simply eliminating someone from your life or continuing to harbor resentment, so take it as a gift and try not to over-analyze it.
Remember that boundaries are the most amazing, wonderful, yet difficult things to implement. They are beautiful tools that can create intimacy in relationships rather than blocking it out. They don’t keep people out of our lives; they simply keep people from violating important spaces. Setting boundaries is about telling the truth to ourselves and to the people in our lives. Also, remember that following through on our consequences 100% of the time is critical to making this tool effective in your life. Finally, remember that if you are willing to have the courage to honor yourself, tell the truth and ultimately protect yourself, you will see an increase of peace and intimacy in your life.