Change is difficult and the brain doesn’t like change. It’s uncomfortable so in this episode I discuss ways to make things a little more comfortable to make our path of change more sustainable. Everyone has a different threshold for what they can tolerate as far as negative emotions. So we want to look at what we are craving and how we can give that to ourselves.
Some things you might need are comfort, holding, kindness, love and care, patience, relief of distress, safety soothing, tenderness, and trust.
To find what you need, you want to ask the questions,
How do I feel?
So you can tap in and see how you feel in your body and in your mind and use that to guide your answer. For example, I feel anxious often and I know I hold it around my diaphragm. When I tap into myself (so breathing, connecting mind and body) that becomes very clear. So I know, “ah, that’s anxiety!”
Then I got to, What do I need? Sit with it and see if an answer comes. You might need to be validated, you might need a hug, whatever it is.
Then we see, “How can I give myself what I need?” If we can learn to solve most of our problems ourselves, we become much more empowered and self sufficient. I’m not saying that sometimes I hug from another person isn’t amazing. Of course it is. But if we are unable to soothe ourselves until that time comes, we give all our power away and just sit in discomfort until the right person comes along to give us a hug.
We don’t need to put our lives on pause, we can free ourselves in the moment and that’s the beauty of this work.
Another way to find what we need is non-dominant hand writing. This work I usually use with clients who have practice listening to their intuition, but give it a go and see if it works for you. Basically you sit in a quiet area, put a pen in your non-dominant hand and ask the questions above. The idea here is that the subconscious or “inner child” will respond. It’s kind of like a poor man’s Ouija board. You want to make sure it’s not your directed thoughts answering, but the subconscious, so it’s subtle work, but for a lot of people very revealing.
Finally, a way to connect with yourself is a three part meditation I use. Sit comfortably and bring awareness and breath into your pelvic floor area. Imagine the energy in your body lifting up. Then breathe into your heart and imagine the energy lifting up higher. Finally send your energy and breath between the eyebrows. Repeat this for 10 cycles to connect to your body if you ever feel like your brain has taken over.
Let me know what you think!